you ask if i have 1 wish what would i wish for wished that you get over him and be together with the person you love and i wish that the person is me ok so there are 3 wishes, combined to 1

the art of maintaining distance. is too damn hard to master not that i don't care but i tend to care too much

so many times

i am talking to you now there are so many times that i want to tell you how i feel but i don't want to be just another person who used to like you but you don't like him back i also don't want to be a rebound and i want to commit and i don't want things to turn sour because i do enjoy your company. if i were to tell these to you, we might not be this close anymore. sighx this is a testy and sensitive time you are definitely not the perfect one. but i think i can deal with your imperfection which sometimes make you more beautiful and i do get jealous when you go out with other guys i won't be 100% honest if i say that i don't wish that you and your bf break up since you are not happy with him and i want you to be happy and you feel happier talking to me i feel quite shitty when you bought that from me. the gift which you were suppose to give him quite foolish to charge at a price lower than cost. but seeing that you are happy at the end of the day is probably the only solace or rather, seeing you happy and smiling makes me happy too. and seeing you cry makes me sad i have the urge to protect you from all harms i want to embrace you you were afraid that there is no one to care for you and protect you i would do just that, even more, if you allow me to. because i don't want you to shun me and i don;t want you to feel uncomfortable and i want you to be at ease when you are with me hence the inaction, and i don't feel good hiding it to myself but i don't want you to shun me i know not how the future unfolds but yes there is only one situation that i can be nice to her even when i am attached eventually or maybe she is just friendly i can't tell you all these but i secretly hope that you see this. someday

hmm...

so i secretly hope...

一些事不是看到了希望才去坚持，而是因为坚持了才看见希望

冲凉时。 不知道是水花打在我的脸上， 还是。。。

《见与不见》—仓央嘉措
你见，或者不见我
我就在那里
不悲不喜
你念，或者不念我
情就在那里
不来不去
你爱，或者不爱我
爱就在那里
不增不减
你跟，或者不跟我
我的手就在你手里
不舍不弃
来我的怀里
或者
让我住进你的心里
默然 相爱
寂静 欢喜
beautiful

answering to the point is very very very important

but

answering to the point < providing the prof what he/she wants

dear L.T.
i know that you are a leader
you have the characteristics to be a leader
you can't sit around and wait for things to happen
but it seems that the rest can.
so you initiate meetings and ideas
and the rest sit around and nominate you to be the leader
and in the end you do all the shit for them
i know that you are really tempted to give your honest opinion in any upcoming peer evaluation

hey L.T.
you are having doubts whether SMU is for you,
you do not like the environment where you have to speak up, or maybe not yet
you do not understand a lot of things taught in class
you feel insecure
you feel that you have to do something about it
and in the process you might be too hard on yourself
you are feeling stressed
you are not enjoying school
school turns out to be not as easy as you once thought
you want to get into deans list in the 1st year
you might be giving yourself unneccessary pressure.
there are some projects here and there, when things are not up to your standard you tend to redo and make things work your way
which may have burned you
you are actually coping fine but you don't feel secure so you see the need to work hard.
work hard
work hard.
it is as if you are going to school to work, not so much about learning
but the most important thing that i think you should learn
is to be less hard on yourself
this is the place for you to vent your feelings out.
at least you have this place to vent your feelings out
good.
you need to tell yourself that grades are not everything
there are many things in life which are more important
however,
i know that you are giving yourself a test
you are testing your own limits
you want to know if you really among the top
you want to work hard for this whole semester and see if you are really deans list caliber
i respect that
so when you feel unjust/ tired
you can come to this place to vent.
because you are a noob, you don't have a girlfriend to talk to you and share your sorrows :D
so work hard
and by the end of this semester you should have no regrets
good luck, and persevere

hey L.T.
you might feel a little stressed now
having a hard time adjusting
not too sure of what to do
but it is all up to you
to rise and rise and rise and rise and rise and rise and rise
until lambs become lions
maybe a dog first
XD

my university life starts tmr.
can't wait.
woo!

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1463375441892&comments

for her i will wear specs.. all day everyday...

XD

Mr. L.T.,
bringing you out/ showing you around
is just an act of kindness/courtesy
you should not see it as anything more than that
don't give yourself false hope
school is starting
wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up

anyway all the best to your driving test in 2 weeks time!

mustered the courage to talk to you
but you went offline
X'(

you are online again.
and i have got the urge to talk to you again
there were several times when i tried too hard
and it turned out to be awkward.
aiyoooo
will you even be seeing this?
one day?

oh wait on
7 May 09, 10:52
劉璇: 哈摟!!還記得我嗎~~我是大學生摟,也成年了!!!!

還考了駕照喲~~當兵應該很辛苦吧> 加油!加油!加油!加油!

then why is she attending driving lessons now?
will ask her soon.
yay 1 new topic!
:D

It has been long since I post on this blog!

just wanna record this surreal moment down~~

14th July
Having lunch with kw and rb. feeling sad becoz she didn't pick up my call yesterday and said that there is no reception in her house. rb commented that why would anyone have no mobile phone reception at home? i wonder.. sighh..
and then she called
XD
and said that she is on her way out
and she is free to meet
NOW!
omg.
i ran back to the hotel to get changed and gel my hair lol. after all it is the first time i am seeing her after 4-5 years time. and this lyrics come into mind.
穿上洋裝看著手錶
時間快到心碰碰的跳
和你的第一次約會來臨了

金色的陽光灑滿人行道
換了新唇膏把頭髮弄好
要你看到我的好
just that i am the girl now :D
fast forward
she is waiting for me at the control station.
and she is all that i can see
i misread some words on the map and she asked if i know how to read chinese words
of coz i know but in her presence, all i can see is her
"当然懂得看...但现在你在我的身边...我看懂的只有你"
okay that's just what i think. in the end i said said
"当然懂得看...但现在.."
"现在什么?"
"没什么"
XD
she left after some time because she has to meet a group of friends for some birthday party planning
and that day i was bursting with joy

15th July
the night before, she appeared in my dream. and i was holding her hand. woke up with such a sweet feeling. but it gets more bitter as i become more awake. becoz it can't really happen in reality.
well well today,
She is bringing us around shiling night market!
the guys went to the bugis of taiwan for some shopping. and it was raining
so i postponed the meeting time with her
i called her
she was having driving lessons! i forgot about it!
X(
felt so bad distracting her
i text her that we will be late and ask her to leave her stomach empty. and she responded that she will have just a quick bite before meeting us.
fast forward to shilin night market
it was raining heavily and i waited for her. she was carrying a brolly and walking towards me
she was beautiful
and she brought us to shilin night market and walk us around
she brought along her pet. we played with it while eating.
we walk around
we do not have a lot of common topics so there were some awkward silence.
got to know that she has acid reflux condition as well. and she just did an enthoscopy the week before. she has to make medication for 3 years, regularly. or she has to do operation. she will puke if she eats irregularly. and she has heartburn almost every other day
she is not suppose to eat by 5pm
i met her only at around 7pm
so she didn't really eat before that. now i know why she had to take a quick bite.
i almost feel like i have committed a crime by asking her to leave her stomach empty for the night market food.
X((
i promised her that i will call her 3 years later. to check on her condition.
and i will do it.
for a girl whom i met in singapore when she was here on exchange.
we didn't talk much in singapore
but she took time out for me
a short and average looking guy.
my vocabulary can't express my thankfulness adequately.
当时我有一鼓想保护她的冲动
but i realise that it can't possibily go further than this. so i kept quiet

it is getting late and she is going home.
i gave her a penchant with her name on it which i bought in kenting and 2 cards which i wrote during lunch at taipei 101. she thanked me?
and we walk different directions
and i console myself that
this can't never be the last time i see her
like what i have posted before on

WEDNESDAY, MAY 13, 2009
我這一生中, 一定要再與你相見.
面對面的!!
至少一次!!
希望吧...

開始存錢啦!!!

the longer we stay apart means we are closer to meeting each other again
...

16th july
we are leaving taiwan
want to hear her voice 1 last time but 该死的sim card has no more money in it. and i sent her an fb msg.
...
见到你让我觉得更加舍不得走。你这种好女孩子太少见了。很想和你更进一步但知道不是很可能。：＂(
...
and wish her good health
felt better after sending this msg

17th july
kept looking at facebook and check if she replied and fall asleep doing that. dreamt of many different kind of replies that she can give, thinking that it is reality.
dream, wake up, check phone, haven't reply, sleep, dream, wake up, check phone, haven't reply, sleep, dream, wake up, check phone, haven't reply, sleep, dream, wake up, check phone.
she replied and said that she will be busy when school starts
well well


friends ask me what are the chances of being together with her
i know and i said that it is close to zero
and i know that it is time to move on
it is quite a childish crush i must say but when you are in the midst of it, not easy to move on
what's on my mind now
getting an internship in taiwan
and call her in 3 years time
072014
i will call you

absence makes my heart fonder.

I was lamenting about not having anything/anyone to think about/of.

Now i have someone to think about/of. and i think about/of her very often.

it's so often that it scares me. it has been a long while since anyone fills my mind.

and now

i am lamenting again.

because.

i dare not do anything else except thinking about/of her.

:(